Dear James Comey Jr., Call Your Dad, He Misses You

Dear James Brian Comey Jr.,

You should call your dad. I'm sure he misses you because when we accidentally contacted him while we were actually looking for you, he told us that he couldn't reach you either.

By the way, if you're named after your father, why don't you go by “James Comey Jr.”? What's the matter, do you think that you are too important to go by “Jr.”?

I mean, we know that you knew your wife was “Miss Right” when you first met her and she let you talk about yourself for three hours non-stop.

So, with an upcoming book you're actually calling, “insert title,” and knowing some of the actual facts behind it, I have to ask, are you an egomaniac?

Oh, by the way, speaking of those facts, what size prison jumpsuit do you wear? I'll have the guys custom embroider one for you before you arrive.

And I ask a lot of people in politics this question, but you may be the first cult leader to whom I pose it, what's it like to be fired by Donald Trump? Never mind, I guess we already knew.

Best regards,

Marty G

Marty Gottesfeld is an Obama-era political prisoner and Republican Senate candidate against incumbent Elizabeth Warren. You can donate to his legal defense fund at FreeMartyG.com or to his political campaign at VoteMartyG.com.